My Shoes is a song I made with SCALLY this year. I wrote the song in the midst of leaving my ex girlfriend. It became clear that she was a narcissist all too late into the relationship after most of the damage had been done.
Basically, a narcissist is someone who does not possess empathy. She admitted to me she does not have empathy & its the way she was raised. I was ignorant of this. You see narcissism not just the stereotype of someone who likes their own reflection. In fact they are often hiding a lot of deep shame behind a made up “false self”. They don’t confront the shame because they use tactics like blame shifting & gaslighting to project their own downsides & insecurities onto those closest to them. They make you out to be the bad one in the relationship. They’re not promiscuous, you’re just “jealous”. You made them cheat. You see they live to “love bomb” you when they first get with you. They make you feel like you’re a million bucks when you’re doing well. Your success makes them feel successful. People are objects and merely extensions of themselves. They’re happy to have you at your best. At your worst? You think they’ll stick by you? No. They’ll try to monkey branch to someone of higher status. They follow a very simple timeline in any relationship. 1. Idealize 2. Devalue 3. Discard.
They get their thrills when they’re being validated & charmed. They charm and flatter people who flatter them, but never those who have nothing to offer them. My ex would love being around anyone who engages in flattering conversation or appears of high status, but never around most of my family who are working class regular folks & don’t make it a habit to flatter others greatly. My grandma used to flatter her a lot & go figure, she got on with her & no one else. There’s a saying “never trust someone who is nasty to the waiter & nice to you”. Its very true. The true character of a person is revealed in how they treat those who cannot help them.
Anyway – I could talk for hours on the subject, but I’ll leave you with the song. I read a ton of books on narcissistic abuse & relationships. It was textbook, the one I was in. It feels like you lived a lie & I am sure I did. I was naive. I’m still pure but the whole ordeal has affected me & I won’t be manipulated ever again in this way.